Reflections

Weeds

These gorgeous calla lilies in the yard across the narrow street from my sister’s house were barely noticeable from the road. She spotted them hiding behind a garden of weeds. The elderly home owner moved recently to a care home and the home has not yet sold.

My sister and I are very different from each other. She insisted that we go take a closer look at the lilies — if I was alone there would be no way I would step into a stranger’s yard! “If we weed the garden then the house might sell quickly”. First of all — that is not our business! Secondly, who gave us permission to invade their space?

If someone asked me for help I would be right there. I like to help others. But who gives us the right to criticize, find fault with their gardening, or think that we know best. I finally convinced my sister that if the gentleman’s family asked her to weed his garden that that was when she could start.

I wish I could just tell her how I feel about her lack of boundaries without hurting her feelings. Her husband and I have been able to convince her that just walking into my house unannounced, without knocking, was inappropriate. I knew there would be struggles when I bought a home close to theirs, and I am trying hard to look at the positives every day.

There will be a huge celebration in my mind the first time she comes here and says nothing about what I want, doesn’t move things around in my house to make it look better and doesn’t point out or pull out weeds as she leaves.

Lifelong learning

I learned something new yesterday. Deer sometimes sleep with legs outstretched and head bent back.

At first I noticed this doe in backyard, sleeping with her head held high and eyes closed. The next time I looked she was like this. So I started some google searches to find out if this is normal, and apparently it is.

My father, an educator, who encouraged life-long learning was frequently signing up for workshops and classes. He studied new computer programs, how to grow roses, wine-making, and many other subjects that grabbed his interest.

In my younger years I couldn’t understand why we had to see every dam and every museum that we encountered on trips. Now I understand! It wasn’t only for the increased knowledge, but for the experience of learning about different things—cultures, technology, inventions. Even in the final years of my father’s life he and I would travel to different countries and different provinces within Canada. For months before we set off he would do research. Years ago that research involved writing to the tourist bureaus in the area, and later he researched online.

Lifelong learning keeps a person humble, young and interesting.

Sisters

Even a three year old seems to understand the important bond of sisters. From first greeting she was as gentle as a toddler can be in times of great excitement.

I started to consider the close bond my youngest two children have. They have been supportive of each other through childhood, teen years and adulthood. Through the early days of life in Canada when they had been dragged away from everything familiar to them; through the following years in an abusive home; through middle school and high school, raising themselves in a single-parent home; through physical distance with daily text messages and frequent phone calls.

It is my hope that Aletheia and Cleo will grow up emulating the beautiful example of love and support they witness between their mom and auntie.

Waiting

Today is a quiet day. My granddaughter is still too sick to go to pre-school, her auntie is resting, dad is at work and mama is resting and waiting….

We played with a ball, read some books, sang about the Slippery Fish and told stories with art. Today it was about storm clouds above the castle with rain watering the fields.

It has been a stressful couple of days with contractions that come and go, a trip to the hospital, frustration of prodromal labour, and a cold being passed around. But today might be the day.

A loveliness of ladybugs

Last week I began planting a garden for my daughter. I have never seen so many ladybugs gathered in one area in my life! Each shovel full of dirt that was turned over revealed juicy fat worms and let loose another loveliness of ladybugs. The ladybugs were not in the dirt, but were hiding in the grass and beneath the dried leaves.

The neighbour told me that he doesn’t rake up the final layer of leaves in the fall in order to give the bugs a place to thrive.

We all need a place to rest and to thrive.

On repeat…

After two days of driving, I have arrived at my daughter’s house in semi-rural Saskatchewan. This is me on the 8th repeat of “On top of spaghetti”. In order to learn the words and story of the song, my granddaughter requested to hear it 10 times. After a few repeats I could hear her whisper the occasional word, usually the last of each line.

I realize these are very special moments that I am privileged to have with my granddaughter. Soon enough she will grow up and no longer require or want to listen to me sing on repeat. There will be a day where she is too “mature” to want to wear her ballet tutu, or dance endlessly to Swan Lake or Romeo and Juliet.

For now I can enjoy watching her play with her bow and arrow set while pretending to be Robin Hood, and wake up early in the morning with “on top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed…” running over and over and over in my mind, on endless repeat.

Alone vs lonely

Yesterday was move-in day. Once the piano was placed in its perfect spot (in my humble opinion) I could start setting up the rest of the house. The moving truck left before noon, my sister and brother-in-law spent a few hours helping with some of the heavy lifting, then I was alone.

I spent my first night in my new home, waking up to a quiet, dusty house. Out the front window I look east to watch the sun rise, and notice that every speck of dust and dirt is amplified in the light! For this time of year when it’s not yet hot the warmth of the sun is a blessing.

Then the loneliness hit. I have spent so much effort in the past several months reminding friends and some of my family that I prefer to do things alone, or at least I prefer to not have someone telling me how to live my life, set up my kitchen or place my furniture. Now I’m paying for it. No-one dares come by to check in or give suggestions.

I have always preferred to be alone, although not 100% of the time. I do love my family and close friends, and enjoy spending time with them but my saturation point is normally much sooner than others realize and I suppose I have perfected some strategies to guard against feeling overwhelmed with the chaos of sharing my life with others.

Today I am feeling quite lonely.

Bridal Veil Falls

Over the past several decades I have seen these falls from the highway while driving past, usually in a hurry. Yesterday a friend and I took the time to climb through the park to a spot near the base of the falls.

Part of the climb was steep and slippery with loose gravel, and water seeping through the forest floor and over the path. Children, dogs, parents, grandparents; some came prepared with hiking shoes and others (like us) had no clue!

We were all awed by the sight, sounds and smells of the waterfall and forest and it felt like we were all together for one purpose. Strangers greeting each other, telling their stories, encouraging each other and lending a hand or arm when the path became almost impossible to climb up or down.

Following the hike we soaked in the hot springs, walked around the town, and enjoyed a delicious dinner and several hours dancing to live music. It was one of those unexpectedly perfect days!

Moving on

Taking a break from sorting and packing, I am sitting in my lazy-boy chair and looking past another stack of boxes, out the window. The cloudy, grey sky past the green leaves of the rhododendrons, and the cedar branches is typical here throughout the fall, winter and spring.

Am I sad to be leaving? Not anymore. These last two weeks are quickly filling up with coffee dates and meal invitations from friends and colleagues who want to say farewell. Those meetings leave me more exhausted than the hours of cleaning and packing, but I will soon be off the island and able to rest.

I feel like I am already stepping into my next chapter, ready to readjust to living closer to family. In my own way I have been saying farewell to my surroundings. Yesterday I went for a walk in a park that I had not yet visited. It was where my friend’s ashes were sprinkled in the fall.

I will miss some of my friends. I’ll miss the world-class music scene, but that is so much less important to me now than it was in the past. Attending concerts causees much increased anxiety and I would rather watch them online. Distance is no longer such a hindrance to good connections.

Moments

This morning as I was searching for a particular photo in my embarrassingly large collection, I was struck by how many photos I had taken early in the lockdown of 2020 of little things. Simple moments. Observations that I had made when life had suddenly slowed down.

Life got busy again…far too busy for me to cope.

I am looking forward to the move in a few weeks and resettling in my new home, and living life while paying attention to the moments.