This is me…

I was born in Kelowna. The story goes that my dad was away from home (then Fort St. John) studying for his master’s degree in Edmonton, so mom went to stay with my grandma for help with childcare. My older brother was 1 at the time.

15 months later my sister and brother were born. I’m sure my children are afraid that the twin gene will hit their generation, so they have been slow to have children. Or perhaps it has been my reminding them that I am not ready to be a grandma.

Growing up I wanted to be a nurse, then realized that I wasn’t kind enough when it came to dealing with sick people, and was seriously grossed out by things like bed-pans, blood and vomit.

I ended up being a musician and music teacher. Somehow I believe I am still helping people, although not in the same heroic ways that nurses do. That’s fine with me. We need nurses who don’t mind the messy things in life.

  • I have decided to start this blog because I figure it is even more private than a personal journal. As a child I kept a diary until I found it that it was being read frequently by a family member. That is still a fear, even though I live alone
  • I’ll write about things that “occur” to me. Thoughts that I might want to revisit, and funny or sad things that happen, but I have no-one to share with.
  • I would love to connect more with myself. Nobody else needs to read this.
  • If you blog successfully throughout the next year, I hope to understand myself better. I do know that I am a bit of a workaholic and this might be one way to force myself to stop for a few minutes each day.

The photo was taken not long ago while walking Toffee on a beautifully cloudy day.

Reflections on Toffee

Toffee and I just returned from our morning walk. Normally we go out around 5 or 6, before others are out walking, but today I had too much to do.

At a local fountain where people like to gather for coffee, lunch or chats, I noticed a man blowing me a kiss. My first reaction was ‘how bizarre’ that someone in this day and age would blow a kiss toward a random stranger. Then I thought that he must know me, although with the sun in my eyes and sunglasses and hat on his head, I couldn’t place him. Finally he took his hat off and waved, and I recognized the gentleman who lives around the corner from me.

The first time we chatted was a day when an elderly woman fell on the sidewalk in front of me when I was walking Toffee. A nurse ran to the woman to comfort her while I called for an ambulance and kept a safe distance to keep Toffee from attacking anyone. He is not fond of frail people falling in front of him. I am not happy with his reaction to his own fears, but I am at least aware of it and keep others as safe as possible. This man, Doug, came by and stayed with us until the paramedics could safely deal with the woman and transport her to hospital.

Since that day, Doug and have become friends, chatting frequently. He used to travel often with his wife, but as are the rest us, they are stuck at home for now. I live in a city that feels like a small town. Every day when I head out for walks I see people whom I call my friends, or at least acquaintances. Most people are friendly and look out for each other. These days they show concern and kindness by crossing the road to walk on the empty sidewalk, or step out on the boulevard to pass with distance. Last night I was waiting for take-out along with several others, in front of the local Japanese restaurant. A youngish man was walking determinedly along the sidewalk complaining to all who could hear about life in general…I’ll leave out the specific comments. Another woman who was waiting with me kept a calm tone as she said that he is harmless, and unfortunately has fallen through the cracks (chasms) in the health system. Once again I was reminded that in this neighbourhood people are looking out for each other as best as we can during this time.

My Journey Begins

Today I decided to start my journey out of a self-entered depressed state of mind. They tell me that a tradition of daily gratitude is a good way to start, but of course I didn’t want to keep it that simple. So, I’m going to attempt a daily reflection. Some of my goals are:

  1. Feel better
  2. Write better
  3. Allow creativity

Toffee, my Yorkshire Terrier companion of 11 years keeps me active and amused. Right now he is beside me on his lazy-boy chair, lying on my feet, and groaning impatiently because I am not feeding him 2 hours ahead of schedule. Toffee was a gift from my children following the death of my husband. Toffee’s lazy-boy chair was my husband’s chair.