Reflections

4th day in Germany

Only four days and I am almost at my limit. The constant stress from their attempted indoctrination has been difficult to take without arguing or even responding in any way. I have almost run out of ways to change the topic, while at the same time trying to be careful to let them know that I am listening and love them.

Everything is poison including salmon, frying pans, electricity and especially wifi. I am permitted only a brief period of internet access between the boys’ bedtime and when my daughter has finished her emails.

According to my son-in-law the government in every country is controlling the citizens in every way possible to benefit only “them” —I assume he is referring to the deep state but of that I am not sure. Vaccinations and western medicine of any sort are yet more ways “they” are controlling the citizens, poisoning us and manipulating us. My daughter agrees with all that and more. I am very thankful my daughter and son-in-law were not on this path until after my previous trip to Germany with my father several years ago. I know that I must keep my thoughts to myself or I risk more alienation and might never be able to see them again.

I am halfway through the 7 day visit, and will pull myself together. Today was a slow day — mostly resting and watching the boys play. Now that they are in bed we will restart the careful conversations.

The photo above was taken on the way to kindergarten on Wednesday. Look at it carefully—each house is watching and waiting for a misstep. (Trying desperately to not take things too seriously!!)

3rd day in Germany

There are rumours of a pending protest starting Monday all over Germany. The farmers and many other unions and organizations are threatening to stop all activities and block highways for at least a week. My flight home is scheduled for Tuesday.

My daughter lives in a rural part of western Germany and to get to any airport we have to drive on the autobahn…which may be blocked. On the other hand, my flight is at 6:30 a.m. and I am hoping the farmers and truckers will be home sleeping at 4:00 a.m.

Until then I have 3 more full days of walks, talks, board games and Lego building. And of course the daily visits with the 6 hens.

2nd day in Germany

Today was an adventure. From walking in the rain along a very muddy farm road, to playing a relatively new pipe organ (1960) in a very old church (15th century), to shopping, to feeding the chickens maggots, to digging for worms in order to feed the chickens more treats. I learned how to play a children’s board game and am enjoying the odd quiet moment when I can read more of “the Personal Librarian”. I haven’t read any books of fiction in years, besides “Curious George” stories to my grandkids.

The jet lag hit me suddenly this afternoon at about 5:00 am BC time. After 40 minutes my grandsons came in very gently to wake me up to go outside and enjoy a beautiful sunny afternoon.

So far today there have been no talks on politics, except for a reminder of the “secret” farmers protest coming up strategically timed to potentially derail my planned flight home. Otherwise…no conspiracy theories.

The photo was taken from my daughter’s front yard. You can see the church steeple behind one of the large homes, past a farmer’s field.

1st day in Germany

After picking up my grandsons from kindergarten they were eager to show me their chickens. The six hens — Fiona, Coco, Coconut, Lucky, Robin and Princess — are obviously from a variety of breeds. Three are regular size and three are small. Some lay eggs a few times a week and others don’t lay very often.

I spent almost 24 hours travelling to visit my daughter’s family. I have decided that air travel is something I no longer enjoy.

We have a week together. This morning the boys came in quietly to wake me up, show me their Lego monster trucks and officially meet me. I’ll have a lot to learn in the next seven days. Already I have learned how to play their favourite board game and the purpose of each piece of a monster truck. I have watched each boy perform two cartwheels and have been schooled by their mother on what I can and can’t do in front of the boys. I’m sure there will be much more to learn this week.

They live in a small village, nicknamed “Pleasantville” by my other children. All the houses here are nicely kept, and the people greet each other with a polite “guten Morgen”, and a smile. The roads are clean, with many made of paving bricks.

The walk to kindergarten is along the edge of the forest on the left and a field of crops on the right. In the dark of morning we couldn’t see much more than the puddles we needed to step around, but the walk home at noon was full of discoveries such as pieces of fireworks leftover from New Year’s Eve, a drone destroyed by the fireworks that were taped to it, sticks, worms and what one would expect little boys to be excited about — dog turd.

This evening my daughter and I had a long talk about life in general — diet, KPU issues, sensitivities, German and European politics, etc. It’s hard to imagine how I was able to raise 4 fairly well-functioning people without all the knowledge that I have gained today. (Is there an emoji for sarcasm?)

New year

New Year’s Day and I am on my way to visit family in Germany. The first leg was uneventful, only 1/2 hour late and I had a good seat mate. The 2nd leg is almost ready for boarding. It’s the long portion — 9 1/2 hours.

The gardens inside the international wing of the airport here are beautiful. Kalanchoe with white flowers separate benches from the pond. Glistening coins line the bottom of the pond. I wonder how many people have received the things they wished for as they tossed their coin.

I didn’t wish for anything today. Maybe I’m too frugal to throw away coins, or just too cynical to believe that a wish expressed will come true.

Khao mun gai

I have been staying at my son’s home with him and his wife since September. In all that time, we enjoyed one meal together — home cooked and eaten at the same time, around the same table, talking to each other. Every married couple goes through tough times, yet I have a strong feeling they won’t be getting through this in one piece. It’s sad, really, but the process has been happening for over two years.

My son has inherited my ability to keep thoughts inside, and keeping silent to avoid conflict. I remind him that “no decision” is in fact a decision, and by delaying any form of communication isn’t going to make the inevitable any easier.

The meal we cooked together was Khao mun gai….tender chicken served with rice that has been cooked in a chicken broth, and a very, very delicious sauce made from ginger, garlic, cilantro, chili peppers, soy beans and more. The sauce (my son took the preparation over from me, knowing that I would not bring it to perfection!) doubled in amount. For some reason it was not tasting as it should, and with each addition of one ingredient another ingredient had to be increased to balance out the flavours. We enjoyed the leftovers for many days.

I have very little good advise to offer my son and my daughter-in-law. My track record isn’t great, with two divorces and currently no relationship. My third marriage was one filled with love and compassion and care for each other. That’s a story for another day. I would wish that kind of marriage for each of my children….I just wish it could have been a longer partnership.

Grandpa

This morning while drinking my desperately needed strong cup of coffee as I sat in the bedroom, looking at several sections of paper towel littering the desk beside me, I was taken back to the days of visiting my grandparents. My maternal grandfather was a large man — I thought he was like Santa Claus, but without the facial or head hair!

Grandpa was a smoker from the age of 13. He was a serious smoker…rolling his next unfiltered cigarette before finishing the current one. He smoked in the house, in his workshop where he raised budgies, in his shed and in his backyard. In the evenings he would move into the living room lay back in his lazy-boy chair and conclude his day smoking a pipe.

The connection with the paper towels that I mentioned is that grandpa would frequently go to the little bathroom three steps from his breakfast nook. The breakfast nook is where he started every morning, listening to the police scanner, drinking strong black coffee waiting for grandma to prepare his breakfast of Italian sausage and two fried eggs. I assume they were eggs…the thick “sprinkling” of ground black pepper made them unrecognizable. We knew that as he entered the bathroom we would hear the disgusting sound of coughing up phlegm. We would try to find excuses to hurry outside before the spitting happened. Out of 10 grandchildren, only one took up smoking — his example kept the rest of us from trying it.

When Grandpa was elderly and in a care home his doctor suggested that he give up smoking and potentially live longer. So he did. Just like that.

Morning hike

I have been house-sitting for friends these past 3 weeks. Unfortunately, I had slipped on the stairs just before moving into this home, and have been working on recovering from the fall. A few steps from my friend’s driveway is the entrance to a large park (580 acres) with pathways, benches and fabulous views of the Okanagan Lake. This morning was my first opportunity to walk in the park. Lacy came with me for her first-ever walk on a leash. She was terrified of noise, people and dogs so ended up being carried whenever we came across any of the above. I had a good workout!

Yesterday afternoon I was thinking seriously about many things, like what would I do if I received some bad news, such as a terminal illness. How would my life change? (I sometimes have no idea where these all-consuming thoughts come from, but they happen).

I started to make mental lists of changes that I would make.

I would no longer agree to jobs, tasks or social engagements just to keep someone else happy.
I would spend more time with family and less time doom-scrolling or watching news late at night.
I would step out and go for walks in nature as often as possible.
I would definitely want to do more cross-country trips!

So why don’t I live like that now? Why do I keep waiting?

Lacy

This is Lacy, smart, playful, energetic 3 month old puppy. She is a mix of border collie, hanging tree dog and blue healer. She showed up a couple of weeks before this photo was taken, while I was recovering from illness. Lacy is my son’s dog, a companion to another 2 year old healer. Both young ones keep their much older (and far slower) Westie brother on edge.

I am just over half way through a 4-month interim position. Staying with my son and his wife as well as house-sitting for others gives me opportunity to experience different surroundings and think about my future retirement plans. In those first two months I have made some important decisions, but there are more to be considered.

Living on an island far away from family for the past 10 years was a good thing (in my opinion) while I was working full-time. I could focus on work and not get too caught up in the family drama. Now that I am almost retired I have been thinking that the isolation of living on an island will quickly become a burden. Travel is difficult with the constantly changing ferry and flight schedules. Just getting off the island can take half a day, then there is the travel inland.

As soon as I return home in January and have time to clean and pack, the house will go on the market. Any decision beyond that is TBD.

Usually before I can make a decision I try to evaluate how each choice will affect others….and what they’ll think of me once the decision is made. I have been challenged to make the decision this time in my best interests, and that is not easy.

If only I could be like Lacy. Go with the flow, endless energy until I collapse in a dream-filled sleep, no decisions to make beyond “should I obey and receive a treat or disobey and get yelled at?”, loved by all.

Isolation

My first meal in 4 days. It hit the spot — I desparately needed protein. Climbing down one flight of stairs caused me to breathe heavily and climbing slowly back up got my heart racing. My son prepared a plate of rice with chicken tenders and a soft-boiled egg. Mmm…was it good! Or was I just that hungry? The flavour that stood out was salty. The bacon bits in the rice added a nice texture, but no flavour.

This morning as I drove into the office to pick up my computer and books in order to work from home this week I stopped for take-out. Again to try to build up some strength. The orange juice was refreshing; it tasted…cold. The chicken patty was salty and the lettuce was crispy and juicy, yet it was all strangely tasteless. The Tiger Balm which I keep handy in my car door for those moments when I need to stay alert or clear my nostrils, although it cooled the skin below my nose, had no scent. Taking a deep breath through the inhaler was as frustrating as turning on a light switch during a power outage.

A week ago I picked up my mother to take her on a nice ride for tea with my son and other family members. We had a pleasant visit even though mom zoned out frequently and did not participate in much of the conversation. When I dropped her off at her care home she quickly fell into her chair and had a nap. She tested positive for Covid, as did I, last Thursday. After several days fighting high fevers and other symptoms, I am finally able to sit up for more than a few minutes at a time. This is not an illness I hope to encounter again in my life. Mom, thanks to her current state of dementia, doesn’t realize that she is sick. She sleeps an extra 4 hours every night, and won’t eat much at all, but can’t understand why she is stuck in her room.

On the drive this morning I noticed colours that stood out to me. They were ordinary colour, such as the changing of the seasons. Yellow leaves mixed in amongst the green. Bright sunflowers standing along white picket fences. Blue sky peaking through the clouds. These are all things that are visible every day yet today I noticed them. Isolation, even for a short time, changes our perspective.