Reflections

Japanese Snow Bush

We were walking near the sea wall in Yaletown last week. This beautiful shrub caught our attention. After some research online I found more information on Viburnum plicatum Watanabe. It is native to China, Japan, Korea and Taiwan. Because it is quite resistant to disease and pests, it looks perfect. The flowers are pure white, untouched by hungry pests. The leaves are full—like a painting.

My garden has pests. There are slugs, aphids, and this year so many caterpillars. Some of the potted plants that I have been growing for several years did not survive the heat dome of last summer followed by unusual cold this past winter.

Maybe that’s a reflection of my life. Things die, things change, and a renewal has to begin. Someday I might be like the Japanese Snow Bush, but for now I am going through that renewal. One potted plant at a time.

Brave squirrels

This squirrel was trying to be brave. I met another far braver and much fatter squirrel out in the parking lot. On Friday I had booked rehearsal time, and showed up a half hour early (long, convoluted story!). The chubby squirrel ran right up to me as I walked away from my car. An amused man who was walking by commented on my “new best friend”. The squirrel starred into my eyes, hoping for a peanut. My thoughts quickly returned to the squirrel that moved into my attic about a year ago. They are rodents — cute yet persistent.

This second squirrel was trying to beg for food, but at the same time seemed to prefer to be invisible. It didn’t make eye contact, but I’m sure that if I had any kind of food available it would have inched closer.

This lovely, quiet garden is surrounded by a seniors residence, a church, and a parking lot and nestled in the part of the city that is “home” to hundreds of people experiencing homelessness. These cute rodents gave me an excuse to engage in a brief conversation with a person whom I would normally try to walk past without allowing eye contact. Why is that? Am I so afraid of people I don’t know or understand that I need a third party to help? I suppose a few negative past experiences have taught me to be wary, and when I see someone walking angrily toward me, throwing sticks and shouting obscenities, then it would be a good idea to cross the road, but most of the people I meet in this part of town are harmless individuals who have run across some misfortune.

I still prefer to not invite squirrels into my attic, but there is much I can learn from them.

Self-sufficient

Self-sufficient is my word for the day. Since I am not always sure of the deeper meaning of many words that aren’t part of my daily vocabulary, I usually look up what the dictionary has to say. My idea of being self-sufficient is not being co-dependent—basically, I can survive without assistance.

I thought I was self-sufficient. One of the dictionary definitions is “emotionally and intellectually independent”. It is the opposite of incompetent, incapable, needy. I can go along with all of that. But then I looked further. Self-sufficient also means arrogant, smug, over-confident—that is where I draw the line. I am not over-confident. In fact, I lack confidence in many parts of my life.

Today I wanted to reinforce that I am self-sufficient enough that I don’t need to rely on one person’s love and connection to be able to wake up and function each day. I can move on even if that one person refuses to communicate with me and pulls back from a life-long relationship. I can get up, face each day with confidence and wonder, and be happy again.

Peace

Living on an island has its advantages and disadvantages. I like the weather here. In the middle of the city, including my yard, are huge trees. Flowers bloom all year. But, when I need to visit family I really have to plan.

There are three ways to get to the mainland; either a 95 minute ferry ride, including about 1 hour of waiting in line, a 15 minute flight including arriving at the airport 90 minutes early, or a 35 minute flight on a float plane from the harbour. Each option is time consuming and expensive. When I only need to travel to the Lower Mainland I usually take the ferry.

The pricing for the ferry has changed significantly since the beginning of the pandemic. Now if we reserve we save, and if we reserve on a very early morning sailing or late night sailing, we save. So on my trip last weekend, I had reserved on the earliest sailing, arriving several hours before it was practical for a visit. On the way to my daughter’s house I stopped at a park. I had packed an orange for a snack, and walked around Como Lake.

This past Sunday happened to be the first warm day of the year. People were out walking around the lake, fishing, chatting, playing in the park, watching the ducks and geese. I found a bench and sat eating my orange, and thinking. It is so much easier to think and clear my head when I don’t have books to sort, dishes to wash, shelves to dust. Sitting in the park that day took me back to the year when I would stop on my way home from piano lessons in a nearby town to sit by a creek and spend time by myself sorting through my thoughts.

As I continue the process of clearing my schedule of extra work, I need to keep looking for opportunities to clear my head.

Mid-blink

I must have caught her in that split second where she was mid-blink. I don’t recall taking this photo on the weekend, but it was on my iPhone.

This is my third child. The one who could sit so still at the age of 3 that people thought she was a life-size doll. And two minutes later she would talk non-stop, making friends with random strangers, eating crayons and lipstick, discovering joy in learning how to light a match (then leaving the room to do some colouring while the house catches fire!). She is the only child of mine who can even come close to talking as much as my sister! She can argue politics and discuss history with my brother, knows more about composers and symphonies than I do, bakes incredible cakes and macarons, and could probably enter and win any cooking contest.

This split-second, mid-blink snapshot of her doesn’t say much. It doesn’t tell you anything of her struggles and triumphs or of the incredibly patient way she helps her husband through his struggles, or of how compassionate and understanding she is towards others. Without any context strangers wouldn’t even look twice at the photo, and would never discover the incredible person that she is.

Every person has context. Every person has come from somewhere, is growing, learning, becoming. What are we missing when we only see other mid-blink?

Bee bottom

Baby ”A” loves flowers. She likes to pick pretty flowers or leaves, one for each hand, and carry them gently while walking or riding in her stroller. I spent the day with her yesterday, enjoying watching her explore her surroundings and discover new things.

She learned how to gently pick mint leaves and not squeeze the prickle bush beside the mint. She learned how to grab wood chips and dirt to scatter carefully at the bottom of the slide — imitating the older child who was most likely imitating the child she had met yesterday.

When do we stop imitating and start innovating? Or is life all about imitating right from birth?

Yesterday I was fascinated with the bumblebees collecting pollen and nectar. They dive in head-first, leaving only their bottoms showing. Much like a toddler diving head-first into new discoveries—oblivious sometimes to their surroundings.

Baby “A” has two very attentive parents, watching every step (and misstep), ready at all times to encourage good behaviour, teach and reprimand. When she is oblivious to her surroundings, her parents will be there to protect her, and to comfort her when they couldn’t protect her.

Memories of a full moon

This was the first full moon after the initial pandemic lockdown in the spring of 2020. In those days Toffee was very eager to get going in the morning. We would get up very early and go for a walk before other people were out. At the time there was very little knowledge of how Covid was spread, and I wasn’t taking any chances, so we would walk when others were still in bed. If we came across anyone on the sidewalk we would cross the street.

My days were filled with online teaching and rehearsals, as well as practicing and of course endless searching for ways to improve on the online work. Webinars, meetings, training sessions, and learning to sew masks. On our early morning walks, often ending at sunrise, I started to notice my surroundings more. The moon seemed to shine brighter and the flowers were bigger and more vibrant than I had ever remembered.

I started to dread the evenings and nights because for many months my neighbours engaged in their own rehearsals of drumming and chanting. Usually they started up in the early evening and sometimes continued until 4 or 4:30 a.m. There was no way to escape the noise, and it wasn’t the soothing kind of music that could potentially put someone to sleep.

The lockdown was sudden and unexpected and a very new experience for most people. Priorities shifted. Once again my life is at a turning point. Most of my work commitments are coming to an end as I ease into retirement. The losses of the past year have caused another shift in my priorities. Though I am excited about having more time to take care of myself there is an element of fear of the unknown. Will I have the discipline to avoid becoming lazy and unproductive? Will I be able to avoid boredom?

This morning I am up way too early. The birds are only now starting to wake. The sky is still dark. The time stamp on that photo from April 2020 is exactly the time it is right now, but there is no moon visible this morning.

Cheers

About 5 years ago my father and I went on a cruise from Montreal to Boston. We decided to spend a few extra days in Boston, exploring and resting before returning home. One place I was very excited to get to was the Cheers Pub, where the American sitcom “Cheers” was filmed. I enjoyed watching many episodes of Cheers, long after their original release (I lived out of the country during the entire series). Dad was excited to be there for completely different reasons. One big reason was that I seldom showed extreme reaction to plans, so he was happy that I was happy! Another reason was that it gave us an excuse to enjoy cold beer in the middle of a hot day.

We spent only 3 1/2 days in Boston and visited the Cheers Pub twice. During the second visit we started chatting with an elderly couple from England who travelled to Boston every year, and come to Cheers each time. They were drinking what looked like a milky beer, as it was served in beer mugs….but it was coffee (with milk). They told us they were did not drink alcohol, but enjoyed the atmosphere of that place.

Dad has never watched the sitcom “Cheers”, but enjoyed every minute of our time in the famous pub. He stood by some of the life-sized cardboard cutouts of the actors, including Norm (George Wendt) for photos. He talked about it for months after, and showed off photos of the pub to his friends. And we both enjoyed the experience; both for very different reasons.

Surprises

Eight years, shortly after moving here, I was sitting outside on the Starbucks patio, enjoying a coffee and chatting with a brave little bird. I believe it is a song sparrow, a species that is fairly abundant around coffee shops and cafes or any place where there might crumbs.

After observing the birds for a few minutes, I took out my phone to take a photo of this sparrow sitting on the back of the chair at my table. I remember being very disappointed when it flew away before I could get a good shot. Imagine my surprise when I got home and took a good look at the photo that I was planning to delete, thinking it was only a photo of a chair on a patio!

Though at the time my eyes saw the sparrow fly away, I surprised myself later and realized that I had clicked at exactly the right millisecond to capture the tiny sparrow lifting off. I wonder how many surprises I have missed by too quickly deleting a photo, or ignoring things going on around me.

Dahlias

Spring is here, we think. This is the coldest May in over 100 years but the days are getting longer and flowers are slowly blooming. I bought these two beautiful dahlias the other day and hope that they will add brightness to my patio all spring and summer….if I treat them right.

Yes, I actually had time to go shopping for something that wasn’t urgent (like groceries). I took an hour one morning on the weekend to grab some soil and a few plants at Canadian Tire, and thanks to covid, some cancelled lessons in the afternoon gave me a chance to plant my small garden plot.

Bit by bit I am stepping away from commitments in my life. Having a few hours on a weekend to spend in the garden felt quite wonderful!