Reflections

Positive perspective

My maternal grandma died in 1996 just short of her 101st birthday. She was a person I idolized. I wanted to be just like her, but I have lost track of that desire.

My grandma was a very positive person, always seeing the silver lining even in the worst situations in her life. She saw the best in people, and therefore brought out the best in people.

I loved travelling and spending time with grandma. I remember one Greyhound bus trip we took together to Vancouver. I have know idea why we were travelling, who we needed to visit, or how we got home again but I do remember feeling very special to be on this great adventure with my grandma! She brought along a bag of candy, and we observed people. She told me that she would sometimes take the bus to the mall and sit at the mall, watching people and wondering what was going on in their lives. She was genuinely curious and non-judgemental. Most of the time…..

Judgement was reserved for when it matter, for example the day when I needed some validation and encouragement. She told me “never mind your mother — she is terribly old-fashioned” when I announced that I was going to move to Thailand to marry the person I loved. Although she was judging my mother (!) I knew that she was happy for me.

Grandma had an impressive sense of adventure and wrote many letters to me while I was living overseas. She spoke of her dream of travelling, but there were always reasons beyond her control that kept her from realizing those dreams. But she always encouraged us to follow our dreams and not to wait until the perfect time to start living.

Now that I am grandmother, am I demonstrating a positive outlook on life? Am I using my example to help my grandchildren see the best in others, and to find the silver lining in every situation. I think I have a lot of work to do.

Paw prints

I noticed these on my neighbour’s back steps the other morning. Cats stop by at my back patio every day, but I didn’t realize that they also explored my neighbour’s balcony. Evidence of the cat or cats will disappear once the sun comes up and melts away the dew.

For many years I lived in places where snow covered the ground during the winter. In the snow it is easy to find paw prints of many kinds — dogs who had to turn the snow yellow, cats meandering, raccoons cutting straight lines to mark an X across the backyard, deer looking for any sign of greenery — and these prints often lasted a day or two until the snow melted, or more fell to cover up the evidence.

When Toffee died I ordered his paw print in plaster as a keep-sake. It helped soothe the pain, and made me feel slightly less guilty. Making the decision to let him go quickly in order to avoid days of having him suffer alone was a decision wracked with guilt. I didn’t want to play God and decide the exact time that my little angel was going to die.

What kinds of prints will I leave behind? The kind that will disappear at sunrise, those that last a bit longer in the snow, or prints in plaster that can last forever.

Finding their voice

Also known as Sicilian Honey Garlic, Allium Siculum, Mediterranean Bells, and more, these flowers are easy to grow, undemanding and beautiful.

Look at the flowers carefully. Some are open, some are opening and some are still closed. Some are looking forward, others still looking at the ground trying to hide behind the more confident bells.

The singers in my choirs are so similar. Some are confident and want to open up wide to the world, to have their voice heard and sing out strong. On the other end of the spectrum we have youth who have lost their confidence as they move from childhood to adolescence, where they are happy to hide behind the mask, and not have their own voice stand out.

Each singer is in a different place in their development. I have watched the shy kids gradually gain confidence and grow into leaders who lead by example. At the same time I have seen the toll that the pandemic and the many months behind the Zoom screen have taken on these young people. The younger, pre-adolescent singers seem to be much more resilient and mostly sing out with confidence. The singers in the teen group are far more fragile, and some have lost the confidence they had gained before the pandemic.

This photo reminds me that I can’t force each singer to blossom at the same rate, but with patience they will each find their own voice.

Peaceful encounter

This photo of Samantha and Toffee’s first and only encounter was taken just over a year ago, a month before Toffee died. Six weeks before Samantha died.

For those who knew Toffee, this greeting was a shock. Any dog that was bigger than Toffee was viewed as a threat, and in his desire protect me, he always growled or barked enough to keep the other dog away.

At the time I remember being surprised and confused as to why there was no alpha display, but I also had no idea that Toffee and Samantha were both struggling in silence with their illnesses. Walks were shorter because Toffee was easily out of breath. I assumed it was his congestive heart failure, not knowing that he cancer growing in his liver and lungs.

After Toffee then Samantha died, as I was looking back through my photos I was reminded of that particular greeting. I realized that they were comforting each other. Experiencing pain helps one look at the world through different eyes.

Or maybe Toffee was just too tired to complain about a larger dog crossing his path.

Random visits

This afternoon I enjoyed a semi-spontaneous visit on my patio when two choir kids and their mom stopped by to bring me a gift. They were hot and tired from a day of shopping and errands so I invited them to stay for a drink of cold juice. We had a lovely visit, talking about the past year, their summer plans and hopes for next year.

How long has it been since I have had time to stop and enjoy the company of others? A long time! Many, many years ago it was a common occurrence when friends and would stop by to check in and stay for tea or juice and chat. That all stopped when life got busy.

Two days ago I was in the backyard doing a bit of weeding when 6 of the neighbours hens showed up. They had a great time digging at the dirt to nibble on bugs, chasing moths and trying to be brave enough to come and peck at my pants. I went back inside to do some work, and heard knocking at the patio door. They had returned for a visit!

I wish my neighbours would visit more often…now that I have cleared some time in my schedule for occasional socializing.

Spellbound

What is it about the sound of a creek and a waterfall that is so soothing and spellbinding? This photo was taken a year ago when I went for a walk with a close friend. We walked along the shoreline of Okanagan Lake, and headed into Rotary Marsh Park, watching the birds and wild animals. When rounding a corner I found this most peaceful waterfall.

My friend who took me on the walk to this secluded area of the park is a Reiki master, and performs Healing Touch. She has spent many years helping people, either by volunteering or for a small fee. The Covid pandemic has changed that for her, and I doubt if she will ever get back to her work mostly because she is quite elderly.

The pandemic changed a lot of things for a lot of people. I have heard it referred to as “the great covid reset”. Priorities have shifted. Losing 2/3rds of my income for several months showed me that by making a few changes (e.g. staying home and not going out!) I can save enough money to accommodate the cut in income.

Walks like this were once a frequent occurrence for me. Growing up in a small town in the BC interior allowed me to explore nature easily and I recall hikes and time spent in the canoe and cycling trips all part of life. It happened daily in the summer and regularly throughout the year. When did I give this up? What is keeping me from revisiting the activity of frequent walks in nature at this time in my life?

Family secret

This is a secret family recipe, translated literally as “completed sticky rice”. It’s complete because it contains both the sticky rice and the custard which are normally prepared separately.

My daughter and I prepared it for her friends. She left some of the edges (the best part) for me. This dessert has always been a favourite for special occasions. My Thai family also had a secret curry recipe called “satay curry”. I have made it a few times in the years since returning to Canada. It is so delicious but I have a hard time finding the ingredients.

How many families have secret recipes? I am careful to keep these recipes secret and passed on only to my children out of respect for the Thai side of their family but I’m not sure I understand why something so delicious should be kept secret. Shouldn’t things as wonderful as those two recipes be shared so more people can enjoy?

Do you have a secret family recipe? Would you share it?

Hope

I have been looking after this Christmas cactus for two months now. It is a rescue plant, from my daughter’s home. She was working out of town, and left the plants in the care of her fiancé. I brought it home, not really expecting it to survive, much less thrive. But last week I noticed a glimmer of hope and new growth. With special care and attention this plant is undergoing revitalization.

Over the past several months I have personally been on a journey of revitalization. Little glimmers of hope appear daily and I am confident that I am on the right path.

Daisies

I had to update my phone recently. It fell out of my hands one too many times, and the cracked screen didn’t allow me to read my messages easily. The new phone takes better photos.

These are daisies…perhaps African daisies, but my free iPlant app is correct only about 20% of the time so it is difficult to know. The name is not all that important.

That is so different from names of people. It is very important to get a person’s name correct. For some reason I am often called by another name. Common mistakes are Susan and Sharon. In fact, a few years ago when I looked in my baby book, my name was recorded as “Susan Louise” which is actually the name of a relative. I guess my parents were excited?!?!

I know there are some tricks to remembering a person’s name. The basic trick is to be sincerely interested in finding it out in the first place. Then repeat it so it sticks in your head.

Being someone whose name is often forgotten or mistaken, I am very much aware of the importance of using the correct name. I’m not always right, and I often have memory lapses but I know that it is worth paying to a person’s name.

Zooming in

I chose this photo for my desktop photo on my computer. It’s one that I took back in 2018. It was chosen for the beauty of the scenery–fence with character (i.e. old and rotting), yellow wildflowers, gently waves, driftwood littering the beach, large climb-able rocks, and fluffy clouds against the blue sky.

My monitor is large, approximately 30 X 50 cm, and what I saw surprised me. As a small photo on my phone, I could only see the scenery, but enlarged and zoomed in on my computer monitor what appeared as flecks, are now obvious as ships and barges and even a helicopter visible as a silhouette against a small cloud.

What else have I missed when I haven’t taken the time to zoom in and look carefully?