I have decided to work my way through Suleika Jaouad’s book, The Book of Alchemy. Each of the 100 chapters, written by a variety of writers, contains an essay and a prompt for journalling.
I started following Suleika, the creator of the online community The Isolation Journals, back in April of 2020 during the Covid-19 lockdown. I was searching for something to keep me busy, and I heard about Suleika on “the Late Show with Stephen Colbert”. She began with a 100 day challenge, which I was able to keep up with since there wasn’t much else to do for that first few months of the lockdown.
The Book of Alchemy, is a guide to journalling as not only a therapeutic device but also an art form. Suleika reminds us that writing for as few as 5 minutes a day can create a spark of inspiration. For several days now I have been stuck on chapter 1 (so much for a 100-day project — I’m sure it will take me far more than 100 days to complete).
The prompt for chapter 1 by Dani Shapiro is “What would you write if you weren’t afraid?”. I have always been afraid to write. Afraid of criticism, afraid of having my true feelings discovered, afraid to let go and write something close to my heart. I was afraid that the wrong person would read it, ridicule me and share it with others who didn’t see value in me or in what I wrote.
When I was a teen I started to keep a diary. I would write a page or two regularly; not every day, but whenever I had something to say. Since I really didn’t have friends, or other safe people within my family, the diary was a place I could explore my feelings just a little.
That all came to an end the day I got in trouble for something only my diary knew about. I realized that even though the diary was hidden deep in my desk, under papers and other books, it was being read. That was the day I burned my diary, and never wrote again for many years.
The fear is still there — that the wrong person will discover my diary. Even here in this relatively secret blog, I keep my words at a safe level.
A close friend of mine suggested that when I write letters to people that might cause hurt, that I write what is deep in my heart, then promptly burn it…and let it go.
What would I write if I weren’t afraid? I am not sure.
Reflections 