Two days ago we celebrated mom’s 93rd birthday. A few family members joined for a lunch and cake at the care home.
Mom is living with dementia and although she knows who we are when we show up, her short-term memory is extremely short term. In the two minutes it takes to walk from the lunch room to her bedroom she had already forgotten that we had lunch together and shared some of her cake. In fact she had to keep looking at the digital clock and calendar to see what day it was, and couldn’t believe (frequently) that she was as ancient as 93.
Her long-term memory is also disappearing. My brother died from cancer 37 1/2 years ago. He was mom’s favourite (for good reason — a very kind, gentle, thoughtful and intelligent person) and mom essentially stopped living when he died. The depression lasted for decades, and she no longer found joy in what once were some of her favourite activities.
She used to host large gatherings and parties at the house. She used to decorate the house for Christmas, starting the day after her birthday every year. Those activities ended in 1988. Dad became the one who put up the tree, and decorated for Christmas. The fancy dishes were seldom used, and parties did not happen again.
When mom experienced a brain aneurysm about 20 years ago, she reminded us that if things got worse to please just let her go.
But on Monday when reminded that she had to make a wish before blowing out the candles, mom told my sister that her wish was “to celebrate my 94th birthday next year”.
Since moving into the care home mom has become softer and kinder. She reminds me often that they take very good care of her, thanks me for coming to visit; she is kind to everyone she meets and she doesn’t even complain about the noise next door.
Now, mom seldom recognizes photos of my brother when we show her the memory books on her dresser. Not only is her memory of her son fading, but so is the anger and sadness that followed his passing.
Maybe dementia isn’t so bad after all.
Reflections 
Thank you for sharing your mother’s story. It’s not easy to see our loved ones decline and deal with memory loss. I experienced this with my parents who were 10 years apart and both died at the age of 87. For the past 3.5 years, two weeks out of every month I work in a home where there are 10 seniors, where five of them are in their 90’s the oldest being 99 and the other half are in their late 80’s. Dementia and Alzheimer’s affects many of them. It’s a sad and difficult disease that affects so many in our society.
LikeLiked by 1 person