Space

There are mornings where I can’t sleep in past 5:00 a.m. In fact, most mornings these days I am on my 2nd cup of coffee before the sun rises.

The photo above was taken on a particularly smoky morning last week. The wildfires burning in the north sent the smoke our way and helped create a magical golden sunrise.

When my mom had to move into a care home over a year ago and we sold her house, the important furnishings and other items were divided amongst three siblings and 8 grandchildren. There were two things I wanted to keep — an old grandfather’s clock and this rocking chair. I have no idea why I needed them, but they were important to me.

The mechanism in the died decades ago and was replaced by a battery that keeps time like a metronome. Tick tick tick tick…until the battery runs down. The rocking chair reminds me of my parents’ home. It was one of those pieces of furniture that was always in a corner of the room, seldom used. When guests came over, the last person to be seated would sit there. If enough other chairs were available then the rocking chair sat empty.

It continues to be vacant most of the time. I seldom have guests, and my living room is really a piano room with three chairs—rocking chair, lazy boy and antique armchair.

Much like my personal life, I have not created a space that allows “visitors”. It’s not that I don’t like people; I do like people and enjoy their company when I’m ready for it. But I want my own space to think my own thoughts and do my own thing.

For now I am making sure there is no space in my life or in my house for others to come in and take over again.