toffeereflection

Dad

I started writing this post on November 25, 2021, the day after Dad died. All I had was the title. This is what I want people to know about my dad. Today (June 24) would have been his 91st birthday. I haven’t decided yet how I would celebrate or honour his birthday. Last night IContinue reading “Dad”

Sucker punch

The physical pain was real. It was sudden, gut-wrenching and mixed with a tidal wave of emotions. Why did my sister have to mention his name in a random text, letting me know that he was at my grandmother’s funeral 24 year ago? Some things are better just left unsaid. The abuse started even beforeContinue reading “Sucker punch”

Revealing

The clock said 4:23. I don’t know if it was the cat crying outside that woke me, or the nightmare. That dream was vivid–and was the kind of dream that stays with me all day. The airport in my dream was crowded, although nothing even close to what I experienced on Boxing Day. I don’tContinue reading “Revealing”

Timing

November 24, 2021…..the day dad passed. One week ago today dad was in agony at the hospital. The 72-hour ward was over capacity, with many patients kept out in the hallways because not enough beds in rooms were available. Nurses often came 1 to 2 hours after being called. Medication was delayed so the painContinue reading “Timing”

Birds at the window

Each room here at Hospice House has a little bird feeder outside one of the windows. I noticed that birds were constantly at the feeder across the hall, in Michael’s old room. Dad’s feeder had no birds visiting at all until a few minutes ago. I wonder if he could hear the chirping. I wonderContinue reading “Birds at the window”

Hospice House

As we were directed down the hallway to my father’s new room, memories from 2010 started resurfacing. The nurses had just finished settling dad into his room which happened to be directly across the hall from Michael’s when he spent his final 3 weeks here almost 12 years ago. The first nurse who came toContinue reading “Hospice House”

On death and dying

It wasn’t a phone call I was hoping for. In fact, I thought my sister wanted to talk about problems with her move. She and her husband decided a few months ago to sell their home on the prairies and move closer to our parents to help dad look after mom, and cook for themContinue reading “On death and dying”

What do you hear?

What do you hear when you listen to a piece of music? What is the first thing that pops into your mind? A few minutes ago I listened to about 20 seconds of a new song, and was quite surprised at my response. Of course, as usual, I follow the melody along the staff, paintingContinue reading “What do you hear?”

Be Chill

If you look very closely at the buoy you will notice black birds. They are scattered around the base as well as on the scaffolding. The white paint is not paint at all but the sign that these birds come to rest on this buoy regularly. Perhaps there are birds on it all day long,Continue reading “Be Chill”

Vacancy

With Toffee’s passing in July, apparently he left a vacancy not only in my heart, but in my home. Mouse moved in last week — at least I first noticed him last week. Perhaps he is a she, which would bring even more unwanted house guests in the near future. This mouse evades traps, andContinue reading “Vacancy”