The physical pain was real. It was sudden, gut-wrenching and mixed with a tidal wave of emotions. Why did my sister have to mention his name in a random text, letting me know that he was at my grandmother’s funeral 24 year ago? Some things are better just left unsaid.
The abuse started even before we married. I was a single mother of 4, with no income, and unable to work because of a move from a different country. He was my saviour, and only man in the world who would stoop so low as to “take me on” and take care of me and my children. The brain-washing and gaslighting was constant; I was vulnerable and unable to sort out what was going on. I just figured I deserved the beatings.
It took a long time for me to gain the self-confidence and strength to leave him. I wish I had left him sooner, or that we hadn’t met at all. But no amount of wishing is going to change anything, or erase the past.
Reflections 
No one ever deserves a beating. What matters is that you found the strength and you did leave. That took a hell of a lot of guts!
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No one ever deserves to be beaten or abused in anyway. What matters is that you found the strength to leave. That took a hell of a lot of guts!
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